It was just last summer that I stumbled upon the idea of living forgiveness. It was a strange moment in my life, I have to admit. It was not sunshine and roses and a pot of gold at the end of a beautiful rainbow of forgiveness.
Instead, it was as I rushed around, frustrated that the kids and I were late for school and (in my opinion) my husband was not helping enough. Not only was he not helping enough, but he was making things worse by playing with the girls and holding them up by talking to them and hugging them. Yes, I know. But I was really frustrated about being late. I hate being late. And, in my defense, he should have gotten up on time in order to hang out at breakfast and see the girls then. Instead, he came downstairs late and then held us up as we were running out the door.
Still, it sounds pretty bad on my part when I tell the story. But I want to be real about the truth of the situation.
I was outside at one point, really mad and frustrated that the girls still weren’t outside and my husband now wanted to talk about the day’s schedule. Outside in the garage, I was ranting to myself when suddenly a phrase came to my mind: “Why don’t you just forgive him?”
Harumph.
I’m pretty sure that noise actually came out of my mouth like Rabbit in Winnie the Pooh.
Why would I forgive him? For what? He should behave right. He should get up earlier. He should, he should, he should…
When we finally left I was still in a mood. I barely waved good-bye, which I knew was stupid right away. In traffic my mood got worse and as people cut me off or didn’t use their turn signals (Dallas) the phrase once again popped in my head: “Why not just forgive them?”
That ‘just’ bothered me. Forgive people for traffic violations? It’s not like I’m the police. What does it matter if I’m angry at someone from my car? I didn’t say anything to them. And what does it matter if I’m frustrated with my husband again in the morning? I’ll see him tonight or talk to him later and my mood will be better and we might or might not talk about it but it certainly isn’t anything to dwell on. I should just move on, right? Why would I need to hang ‘forgiveness’ on this silly morning frustration?
The idea wouldn’t leave me alone all day. I thought about forgiveness and the weight that we give to the word. Forgiveness. It’s reserved for the big things, right? We ask for forgiveness when we hurt someone. We seek forgiveness when we sin. We give forgiveness (sometimes as a choice even when not asked for) to the people who have really messed up against us.
Why would I need to pull out the word forgiveness for my husband being late downstairs?
Love your enemy
The idea of love these days is a bit skewed. Why? Because really love is based on your ability to love those who are not nice to you. YOu know you are walking in love when you care about the people who you don’t even want to hang out with. In our society though, love is typically reserved for those who agree with us and no one else. But that’s a topic for another day.
The point I came to was thinking about Jesus and how he always seemed to react properly. He never confronted people’s bad political opinions on Facebook, he never belittled anyone who belittled him, he never sought revenge against those who thought his ministry was wrong and he never really even acted against those who smeared him on Instagram and Twitter.
Ok, so obviously there was no Facebook or Twitter back then. And the truth is that he did rebuke the disciples a few times, quite harshly and he did rebuke the leadership of the church quite a few times. Which, if he is love, that tells us that sometimes telling people the whole truth is not an act of hate but an act of love.
But what I focused on was the fact that he was rejected in his hometown and all he did was leave quietly. He was ridiculed and mobbed a few times, and he more or less walked away. There were a few times that people specifically tried to make him look ridiculous in front of the masses and he always spoke calmly and never belittled them. I would have had such a hard time not adding a few ‘idiot’ at the end of sentences against people who were specifically trying to make me look bad. Maybe that’s just me…
The Point
The conclusion I came to as I pondered forgiveness and then Jesus, was that He was able to consistently walk in love and not feel a sense of wanting to get even or wanting to put down those who put him down because he walked in immediate forgiveness. He must have consistently been forgiving people of their ignorance, their bad moods, their ego, their unkindness, and their lack of empathy for other people. Let’s take the blind man calling out to him. People told the guy to shut up because they didn’t find the blind beggar to be worthy of seeking out the great Rabbi. They had no problem showing their mean biases and belittingly and yet he didn’t yell at the people or huff at that or give them a soapbox lecture. He simply continued in what he needed to do: heal the blind man.
Isn’t that incredible? I don’t’ know about you but at the core of me I always want to let people know when they are wrong and especially if they are mean to me or my kids or if they are mean to someone else through bias or racism I want to TELL THEM WHAT’S UP. But Jesus had compassion on all the people, not just the ones who ‘agreed’ with him. And to do that he must have been forgiving in ‘realtime’. Meaning, being surrounded by ignorance and biases and past resentments and inborn ego, he must have just set his spirit to be constantly forgiving. They say something dumb or mean-forgive, they complain because they don’t understand-forgive, their ego gets the best of them-forgive, they say they’re coming to kill him-forgive.
Living Forgiveness
I am obviously not at the point that Jesus was. FAAAAAAAAR from it. But every since last year, I can’t let go of the idea of LIving Forgiveness realtime. It still takes me a bit to come back and remember that living forgiveness is my goal when people cut me off, or make me late or stand me up or send a mean email, etc. But after only 9 months (sarcasm on my slow progress) I am coming around a little faster. LIving Forgiveness is much easier and makes more sense to me than just ‘getting over it’ or ‘choosing a better mood’. Learning to live forgiveness in realtime shifts my whole perspective about the person. Sometimes I have to say it out loud, “I forgive _____”. Especially when what the person did to me is on loop in my head.
I’m not perfect at it but I have noticed a difference. Learning to live in forgiveness of people is helping me see them in a whole different light, so perhaps it will help you as well. Whatever it takes for us to love in a more perfect fashion!